is your mom at the bar?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
