Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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