I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
