Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't deserve a penis
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
