I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
