Are you still at the party or did I leave?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
