My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm getting married
To pizza
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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