just tell him i said nine months
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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