I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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