i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My penis needs a shock collar
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i believe in u and ur pee
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