i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
