Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
