He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
