can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
