Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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