Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
