I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
