i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
