On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
