so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
