You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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