Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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