you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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