turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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