i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
