every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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