i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
