I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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