Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
