all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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