I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
