Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
