There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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