She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
