I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
