I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
