i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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