I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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