Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
is wine microwaveable?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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