is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
