I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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