The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
