it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
