dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
accomplished twins. life is a go
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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