I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
