I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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