How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
