so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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