I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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