She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
