Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
